Don't Punish: Build a Bridge

Punishment Doesn't Teach

Punishment, imposed from an outside source, falls far from the mark for which it's intended.  We've all been applying consequences for too long, with limited results.  While punishment may stop a behavior in the immediate future, it does not give a child replacement skills for long-term change.  This keeps us stuck in a never-ending cycle of punishment, with limited long-term gains.

Skill-Building is the Answer

If punishment doesn't work, what should a parent do?  Teach skills.  Build new connections in your child's brain.  Help him problem-solve alternative responses, which will lead to different outcomes.  It all sounds so simple, and overwhelming at the same time.  Start somewhere and go from there.  Ask questions, role-play, imagine different outcomes with your child.  Be in your child's corner and teach him a better way.  The only way out is through. 

Where will you start?  Are you ready to change things up a bit?

Stay tuned, because the Stressless Summer Tour is coming! 

Stressless Summer: Summer Tour

Is There Such a Thing?

Is there such a thing as a stressless summer?  While we can't promise smooth sailing at all times, we can definitely do things that reduce stress and limit its impact in our lives.  That's exactly what Dr. Lynne Kenney and I intend to help with!  Starting later this week, we will be hosting a series of articles, tips and resources from some of the best experts we know, to help you reduce stress and enjoy your summer with the kiddos more!  We can't wait to share it all with you!  Stay tuned.  More information will be forthcoming right to this page, so be sure to bookmark or pin it, and come back soon!

Frozen Fun: Healthy Frozen Pops

Looking for some great (and healthy) ways to help kids keep cool this summer?  A way that doesn't load them up on sugar and ingredients that you can't even begin to pronounce?  When you make 'em yourself at home, you get total control over what goes in, and your kids get the benefits of good nutrition.  Make some of these goodies we rounded up from Pinterest, and you will undoubtedly be the coolest mom on the block! Note: Some of the recipes actually call for sugar, but you may substitute stevia, agave, or whatever you prefer, to customize the recipe for your fam!

Raspberry Cheesecake Popsicles

Spa Pops

Chocolate Raspberry

Watermelon Blueberry

Frozen Fruit Pops/Multi

If you're in the market for some cool molds, start here

                                                                  

Ohhhhh....and don't forget FIDO!  You'll find frosty frozen treats for your furry friend, too!

===================================

Just Chillin'

If tempers flare at your home, we have the perfect antidote! 

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Therapeutic-grade interventions to help

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BIG ANGRY FEELINGS!

Can We Parent without Consequences?

Tell Us What You Think

Do you think we can parent without consequences, or will total mayhem result?

We want to hear, and we'll share the results with you from across platforms: Pinterest, Twitter and Facebook, as well as results of this poll!  Be sure to answer by checking off one of the options below in the small grey box, and add a comment here or on one of our social media sites!

Can we actually parent without consequences?
	We use misbehavior as a teaching moment, so sure we can.
	Consequences and time-out never work for my kids.
	When my kids really push the boundaries we need consequences.
	Without consequences our house would be a zoo.
	Punish or perish.
pollcode.com free polls

Linking Literacy and Emotional Literacy

For the Love of Literacy

Long before children learn to read, parents and educators immerse children in language and literacy enriched environments, knowing that it will contribute to a child's overall success as a reader.  We may stop and ask questions such as, "Where do you think Jake is going?" or, "Do you think he will get home in time?"  This helps to stretch a child's mental muscle and exercise cognitive skills. 

Taking It a Step Further: Emotional Literacy

Want to add another layer to this process?  Be sure to include questions about emotions.  This will contribute to your child's overall social-emotional development, which is crucial to her success in this world.  Opportunities to do this abound when reading aloud to your child.  It's another way to help grow great kids.

5 Ways to Increase Emotional Literacy:
Questions You Can Ask

1.  What kind of problem does the character have?

Problem identification is a big step in emotional literacy.   Being able to name the issue opens up the possibility of trying to solve the problem (if there is one).  In fact, one of my favortie sayings is, "If we can name it and claim it, we can tame it!"  Dr. Lynne Kenney and I discuss this very issue in our book, "Bloom: Helping Children Blossom".

2.  How do you think the character feels?

As human beings, we have reactions to just about every experience we have, be they positive, negative or neutral. Is the character mad, sad or surprised?  Is he curious, fearful or excited? Sometimes, we even have more than one feeling at the same time.  That is a good thing to discuss with your child, as well.  Sometimes our feelings are all jumbled up and it's hard to extricate and pinpoint a primary feeling.

3.  What can the character do about it?

This really helps your child expand his thought process and generate possible solutions.   Rarely is there only one solution to a problem.  When kids realize they can identify several ways to solve a problem, the better equipped they are to deal with bumps in the road of life.  (And there will be some!)

4.  How do you think that will work for him?

This encourages your child to develop consequential thinking, and to consider outcomes of certain choices.  That's a pretty important skill!

5.  Have you ever felt that way before?  Tell me how you dealt with it.

This helps your child identify that, as human beings, we can all relate to feelings and that we have all experienced many of the same feelings.  This will be part of the process that will help your child develop empathy.  Another very important life skill.

There are a ton more ways to increase emotional literacy!  Add your ideas in the comments below!  We love to hear from you!

Want more ways to increase your child's social-emotional acumen?  Find us on Pinterest!  We've TONS of boards that can help! 

Similar stories:

Feelings Activities for Young Children

5 Reasons Not to Minimize Your Child's Feelings

Fun with Feelings Printable Workbook

Helping Kids with Anger: Our Exlusive FUN Product
That can be a Game Changer for Angry Kids

How to Read a Kindle Book without a Kindle Device

I've been getting some questions lately through facebook, email, twitter and pinterest, asking me if my new book

for parenting and teaching, Bloom, co-authored with Dr. Lynne Kenney would be available in other formats.  

These folks didn't own a Kindle, thus would be unable to read the book. 

(Truth is, I don't own one either, but here's how you read a Kindle without a Kindle!)

Kindle-Free Kindle Reading

Okay, so you don't have the most updated, new-fangled electronic devices, such as the Kindle Fire, or any other incarnation of the Kindle.  Neither do I.  Don't let it stop you from reading some of the latest, greatest books, though!  I sure don't.

How to Read a Kindle without a Kindle Device

The folks at Amazon have been more than generous in making sure that even the non-techy types have the ability to access all of the goodness that exists on their Kindle site.  It doesn't even require owning a Kindle.  The only thing you need is a computer or a smart phone, and if you are reading this, you already have one of those! 

Here's All You Need to Know

You can read Kindle books without a Kindle (Android phones or tablets, iPad, iPhone, Mac, Windows PC or tablet, Blackberry or Windows phone) when you use the Kindle app from Amazon. That means with Amazon’s free Kindle reading apps, you can buy a Kindle book once, and read it on any device with the Kindle app installed. Don't forget, it's FREE!  The price is always right!

Have Fun

Once you get the Kindle app download, you are ready to start downloading free (there are tons of free books, including children's) books on Kindle, as well as purchasing books that strike your fancy!  If you haven't noticed, you can usually get Kindle editions of books for MUCH cheaper than the printed versions...plus you can carry 20 or 30 books around without breaking your back...no siree...just the weight of your iPad, phone or laptop!

Happy Reading!

Related:

Summer Reading Fun (and a Printable) for Kids

Help Your Kids Avoid Summer Brain Drain

FREE Download Sampler: Bloom

Download Sampler of Bloom

Free Download Sampler (7 pages) of Bloom is available now!

When you click the link, please be patient and wait!  It may take up to 5 minutes to fully load!  You'll get the full-graphic version sampler!  Enjoy! 

Extra Special

If you want the  WHOLE book and are one of our newsletter subscribers , you will be receiving an "EXTRA" special discounted price (lower than 1/2 price)! The special price will remain in effect until Sunday, June 9th at 12 noon, EDT.   If you are not already a subscriber and want to enjoy this special pricing, go here to join in all the fun!  

This special has ended, but be sure to join us and become a subscriber to Kidlutions newsletter (it's FREE)...and you won't miss out on another spectacular, members-only discount from us!  Hope to see you there!

Tales of an Impatient Gardener: A Prelude to Parenting {and Teaching}

Blooms A-Plenty

Yesterday, I was out of town and had the chance to purchase some new blooms for my garden!  I adore gardening, and have for some time.  I had a mere 20 minutes to make quick-work of finding a few flowers that struck my fancy.  I did it, but wanted to spend much more time perusing the blossoms and finding just the right mix for my garden this year.  I found some things with which to get started, but I dream of lush splashes of color all over my yard! (Little known fact: I am a Master Gardener and Junior Master Gardener Trainer.  My husband signed me up for the class as a surprise when my kids were very young.  Thanks, hubs!) 

Patience



Image: Microsoft Office



Growing a GREAT garden takes time.  Gardeners know it takes patience.   It is not accomplished in one growing season, or even three or four.  It is a thing to be cultivated, over time.  Some gardeners work decades on their gardens.  It is a work of heart.  So, too, is parenting. 

Not in Our Time



Image: Microsoft Office



Okay, so back to my new "buds".  My eldest helped me load in my bounty, and off we headed for our 3-hour tour home. (You do know that I live in the middle of nowhere! 'Tis true!)  We unloaded, and I looked forward to waking up and "digging in".  This was not to be, however.  With temperatures plummeting into the low 40's and a damp, drizzly day , I was actually forced to move my flowers onto my front porch.  (Our weather just will not cooperate this year.  Know any kids like that?)

I want to plant.  The weather won't allow it.  I have to be smart and wait, or risk losing all of my beautiful bounty.  I'll wait until the temperatures rise and the sun comes out again.  And I know the day will come.

The calendar says June 2nd, and I SHOULD be able to plant now.  But I must wait.  And practice self-regulation.  It hardly seems fair, but it is what I have to work with.  Again, just like parenting, we must work with what we have at any given time...sunshine, clouds or storms.  All are part of it.

The Gardening/Parenting Connection



Image: Microsoft Office

  

So what does all of this have to do with parenting?  Bunches, if you ask me. 

Gardening can be frustrating.  We must wait for the most opportune time to plant things and nurture and care for them in time-consuming ways during the most vulnerable of times. (When a frost is coming, if inclement weather threatens tender blossoms, etc.)  This isn't always convenient for us, or the way we planned it to be.  We cannot rush it.  We cannot change it.  Sometimes we just have to wait things out.

In parenting, we must wait for just the perfect time to teach, guide and inform.  Rarely is this in the middle of the maelstorm or challenging time.  The storm must pass before we plant seeds that will take root, lest they be washed away or water-logged.  Even so, we may have to plant the same seeds over and over again.  Maybe we didn't plant the last several seeds deep enough, didn't provide enough water, or didn't plant them in just the right place with the proper amount of sun exposure.  When you want blooms, you are persistent.  You try to figure out how to tweak things the next time, so that maybe...just maybe...the seeds will take root and bloom. 

If that isn't a lot like parenting, I'm not sure what is. 

(One day, I shall plant those flowers that are sitting on my porch right now.  I know they will be glorious!  I'll show you when they've reached their peak of perfection!  In the meantime, the next post will show you how they look on my porch, with a sneak peek at the very chair in which I spent countless hours talking about and writing Bloom, the book.)

Yours in patience, my fellow "gardener"!

____________________________________________________

Looking for some ways to grow GREAT kids?  Be sure to check out

Bloom: Helping Children Blossom,

available in Kindle or PDF format (full graphic version)

or PDF format (partial graphic format -

smaller file - coming soon - same GREAT content)!

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Better Behavior May Be In Your Breakfast Bowl

Food As Fuel

The food-mood connection has long been established, but it seems as though talking about it is on the rise, bringing this issue to the forefront.  We recently had a guest post written by Angelle Batten, who wrote about this very issue: Rude? Bad Mood?  It Could Be the Food.  Then Shara Weiss at Mommy Perks asked me to weigh-in about the use of dairy in kids' diets (my own and the kids with whom I work).  When you think of food as fuel, the quality and kind of food ingested will obviously have a direct impact on performance (thinking, behavior, mood, attitude, performance, etc). 

Better Behavior May Be In Your Breakfast Bowl

If you have child with concerning behaviors, one of the first places you might want to examine is what's in her breakfast bowl.  A sugary, high-carb breakfast may fill up your child's tank, but it won't get her very far.  The wrong kinds of foods can translate into a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day (a'la Alexander).  Only in this scenario, it may not be the situations that cause the problem, as much as your child's reaction.  What if you could temper that reaction with how she started her day?  That's right, the answer to better behavior may well be right in your child's breakfast bowl.

What the Brain Needs: 1, 2, 3

Follow the rule of 1, 2, 3 and see if that makes a difference.  It has been said that the best breakfast for our brain is:

1) Whole Grains
2) Produce
3) Dairy

Read more at prevention.com.  But breakfast is just the beginning.  There are two more meals and snacks for the day.  Make every meal count.  Each morsel your child puts in her mouth may be the ticket to a calmer, happier child. 

Growing Great Brains

Food is one important part of the equation in behavior change, but there are many more components that can help change brains, and thereby help change behavior.  You will find it all in, Bloom: Helping Children Blossom, written by Dr. Lynne Kenney and me.  This invaluable guide to raising children gives you some of the best approaches to help your child flourish, while pulling out the weeds. 

Let us know, what do your kids like to eat for breakfast?  Click below!

What do you kids like to eat for breakfast?
	Pancakes or waffles
	Cereal and milk
	Fruit, healthy lite fare
	Spaghetti, pizza, chicken & rice, the hearty dinner stuff
	Eggs and bacon, traditional fare
	We skip breakfast
pollcode.com free polls